Kia Ora, over this past week for Writing we made a fictional story to make our reader feel emotion. Our Learning Intention this week wast to deepen our understanding of descriptive language by creating feelings for our reader, such as empathy. We also looked into the effects of short sentences. Our story is based on the movie Marley and Me. We worked in buddy's to write this story. My buddy is Luna. Here is a link to her blog. Luna's Blog. What do you think about our story? What do you think we could add to it?
My heart breaks as I walk into the cold room. I see him on the table. I bend over to give him his favorite toy. I felt my knees get weak, as I saw him lying there, nearly lifeless. I can't help but burst into tears. I hear Marley crying and it breaks my heart even more. I feel colorless. I get on my knees to pray that he will live to see another day. I start to have flashbacks to the first time we played fetch. I remember that he never gave me back the bone, and ran as fast as his little legs could go, so that I could never catch him. I wish I could protect him from his fate. I feel so helpless. The nurse comes in with a needle, I want to take it from her hands, so I could have more time with my great dog. I told him that I loved him, one last time, as the nurse injected him with the end of his life. ¨I love you Marley, we will meet again in another life¨
Nice job Trinity. I like how you used all this sad writing. This reminds me about the one I did on Marley and me, you could check that out if you want. Maybe next time you could make the introduction a little smaller because it gets a bit boring. What is your favorite sentence? Keep up the good work,bye.
ReplyDeleteHi Trinity!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so good! I really like all the descriptive words you put in there, I can only imagine how sad it would be to have a pet dying before my eyes, when my first dog died I was too young to remember what happened and my second dog died in the care of someone else.
-Ashly
Kia ora Trinity
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing story that you and Luna wrote. I felt so much emotion as I read this. I think you have done an amazing job writing this. The only thing you need to fix is a little bit of punctuation, never miss a full stop or a comma.
Bill🤪🤪🤪